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HyReviews.com

The Most Complete & Accurate Info on NYC's Best Live Comedy Shows
Stand-Up, Improv, Sketch, Storytelling, Variety, and More, Fully Updated Daily—
Plus Comedy Discounts, Theatre Discounts, Top Jokes, Top Videos, and More

 

From legendary NYC comedy site Brooklyn Vegan: Thank God for Hy Bender’s religiously updated show bible Best New York Comedy (or HyReviews.com). He is literally the only person in NYC providing daily summaries of what’s happening comedy-wise. It must be exhausting keeping that monster of a website alive…It is your daily comedy itinerary and it scares me how on top of his shit this guy is.

 

Hy Bender

 

Last updated on Friday July 25th 2014

 

Please click to go directly to:

Tonight's Best NYC Live Comedy (updated daily)

Comedy Blog (For Subscriptions, Mobile Devices): BestNewYorkComedy.Com

For FringeNYC 2014 Pre-Fest Coverage, Please Click Here

HyReviews.com's Videos of the Month: FringeNYC 2014 Sneak Peaks

HyReviews.com's Comedy Stuff of the Month: Jim Gaffigan, Myq Kaplan, and Todd Barry

Previous HyReviews.com Favorite Jokes

Previous HyReviews.com Comedy Videos of the Month

NYC Comedy Club Discounts—NO COVER on all Eastville & select Greenwich & Broadway shows!

(Eastville Comedy, Greenwich Village Comedy, Broadway Comedy, Dangerfield's)

Hy's Book Proposal, Screenplay Doctoring, and Ghostwriting Services

 

NYC Comedy Picks for Friday 7/25/14

TV Alert: Marc Maron is on Carson Daly (repeated from 5/7);
Whitney Cummings & Cameron Diaz are on Chelsea Lately (repeated from 7/17);
Kurt Braunohler & Joe Zimmerman star in Comedy Central Half Hour at midnight

Rachel Feinstein Mary Lynn Rajskub

Rachel Feinstein is among the stand-ups performing three shows at Eastville;
Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe on FOX's 24) headlines through Sunday at Carolines

Recommendations for the best in New York City comedy tonight
(in chronological order, with top picks noted and shows over $10 marked with $) include:

[TOP PICK] [$] [DISCOUNTED] 7:00 pm & 9:00 pm & 11:00 pm (FREE TICKETS if you reserve in advance by calling (212) 260-2445 and mention HyReviews.com, but there's still a 2-drink min. per person): Rachel Feinstein (finalist on Last Comic Standing; Inside Amy Schumer, HBO, The Apprentice, opens for Sarah Silverman on tour), Joe DeRosa (razor-sharp rising star stand-up; Comedy Central Presents and Comedy Central Half Hour specials, HBO’s Bored to Death and Down and Dirty, FX's Louie, E!'s Chelsea Lately, comedy CD The Depression Auction), Christian Finnegan (Conan O'Brien, co-star of TBS' Are We There Yet?; three Comedy Central specials; MSNBC, VH1's Best Week Ever, Chappelle's Show, The Today Show), Gary Vider (hilarious deadpan stand-up; for great Conan O'Brien set, please click here; for more jokes, please click here), and more performing at the only comedy club in the East Village: Eastville Comedy Club

[FREE] 7:00 pm: "Alí Bibi is a traditional Muslim woman with a sense of humor. She has been doing stand-up comedy every time she is able to leave the house without her husband noticing" honing a long stand-up set every night this week through Friday at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens' Long Island City: Week At the Creek: The Good, The Bad, and the Burka

[TOP PICK] [$] 7:30 pm & 10:30 pm ($38.25 & 2-drink min.) "Chloe" on FOX's 24 is actually a talented stand-up, and she headlines tonight through Sunday at the Carolines Comedy Club: Mary Lynn Rajskub

7:00 pm ($10): Josh Krebs performs a one-man show about such characters as "an angry 13-year-old girl with a penchant for art films, an alcoholic rocker whose claim to fame is a theme to a popular children's show, and a salesman with a time share of a lifetime on the moon" at The PIT downstairs lounge: Maniac

[TOP PICK] 7:30 pm ($10): At UCB Chelsea, Langan Dice Kingsley establishes herself as a major UCB talent and rising star in this one-woman show demonstrating playful wit, a dancer's grace, and vocal gymnastics that may make you concerned Langan hurts her voice (but you'll want her to keep doing it anyway): The Dicewoman Cometh...

...and in the second half of this double-bill, Stone Cold Fox is the only sketch group (vs. improv group) to ever be honored with an ongoing spot on the prestigious UCB Chelsea weekend schedule. It’s earned this slot because its writers (who include stellar comics Silvija Ozols and Brandon Gulya; Brandon also directed this show) are terrific, and its cast is superb: Brandon Scott Jones, Leslie Meisel, John Murray, Molly Lloyd, Connor Ratliff, and Johnathan Fernandez. (If you're in show biz, hire them.) This new collection of sketches revolves around shopping malls: Stone Cold Fox Goes to the Mall

[TOP PICK] 7:30 pm ($10): Improv group Bucky makes up one long scene in the same location (a winning form that's helped such teams as Death by Roo Roo win a whole lot of Cage Match victories)—and, when SNL is on break, sometimes includes star Sasheer Zamata—at the UCB East theatre: Bucky: Here and Now

[TOP PICK] [$] 7:45 pm, 8:00 pm, 9:30 pm, and 11:30 pm ($20-$24 per show, plus 2-item food/drink min.): Tonight's comics include Colin Quinn, Hannibal Buress, Gregg Rogell, and Lenny Marcus at the 7:45 show; Colin Quinn, Hannibal Buress, Marina Franklin, and Lenny Marcus at the 8:00 show; and Dave Attell, Paul Mecurio, Jena Friedman, and Sam Morril at the 11:30 show, with all shows at Comedy Cellar (117 MacDougal Street, between 3rd Street & Minetta Lane) except for the 8:00 pm show at Village Underground (130 West 3rd Street, off Sixth Avenue): Comedy Cellar Friday

[TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($8): A mix of storytelling, stand-up, and characters from Caitlin Brodnick, Myka Fox, Charles Gould, Jessie Male, and Jolenta Greenberg for a show providing advice from actual relationship experts Wilson McDermut and Amie Roe at This Theater (154 West 29th Street, 2nd Floor): Relationshit!

[FREE] 8:00 pm: Bridey Elliott (razor-sharp rising star; David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Witstream, Fambly) hosts this stand-up show featuring Mo Fry Pas, Zach Broussard, and Sarah Tollemache, plus music from Luke Rathborne, all performing at Brooklyn's Over the Eight (594 Union Ave): Hold Onto Your Underwear

8:00 pm ($10): Two PIT upstairs theatre improv groups making up a musical on the spot: Vern and Royals

[FREE] 8:00 pm: Phoebe Robinson (Comedy Central's Broad City, MTV’s Girl Code, FX’s Totally Biased, Glamour Magazine), Emmy Blotnick (blogger for Jimmy Fallon, MTV's Nikki and Sara Live, VH1's Best Week Ever), Ben Kronberg (Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, Comedy Central Half Hour, MTV, ABC; clash with Roseanne on this season's Last Comic Standing led to #gofuckyourselfBen), Mike Recine (Conan O'Brien), and Kyle Ayers performing stand-up at Brooklyn's Legion Bar hosted by Tom Cowell & John Anderson: Heavy Metal Laser Plane

[FREE] 8:00 pm: NYC stand-ups aiming to slay audiences at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens' Long Island City: Destroy All Humans

[TOP PICK] 8:30 pm ($10): Before this Magnet show, audience members may anonymously submit written confessions, secrets, rants, advice and opinions which will be used onstage by the improvisors—who include such talents as Laura Grey (stellar old-time radio style theatrical podcast Horrorgasm, improv troupe Salmon Diane, sketch/improv duo Klepper & Grey): The Friday Night Sh*w

[TOP PICK] 9:00 pm ($10): Some of the finest improv in the country from brilliant comics Shannon O'Neill, Silvija Ozols, Jordan Klepper, Connor Ratliff, Don Fanelli, Will Hines, and/or Michael Delaney forming a seamless and hilarious group mind at UCB Chelsea—the all-star members of The Stepfathers

[TOP PICK] 9:00 pm ($10): Cipha Sounds (Hot 97, Chappelle's Show) thought it would be cool if a hip-hop star told tales and then improvisors made up scenes based on them. This monthly show is the result, with a "secret" music celebrity "mesmerizing the crowd with amazing stories and linguistic darts to spark the creativity of some of the best improvisers in NYC," the latter being Anthony Atamanuik, Neil Casey, Natasha Rothwell, Brandon Gardner, Lydia Hensler, Christian Capozzoli, Abra Tabak, and/or Shaun Diston at the UCB East theatre: Take It Personal: The Hip-Hip Improv Show

[TOP PICK] [FREE] 9:00 pm: Sasheer Zamata (instant star cast member of Saturday Night Live), Victor Varnado (Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel, Comedy Central, NBC's My Name is Earl, Adult Swim), George Gordon, Alison Stevenson, and Dustin Wesley performing stand-up at this free weekly show at Brooklyn's The Cobra Club (6 Wyckoff Avenue) hosted by Erik Bergstrom, Ben Kronberg, and/or John F. O'Donnell: Live From Outer Space

[FREE] 9:00 pm: Ophira Eisenberg (Comedy Central, VH1, Showtime, The Today Show, host of NPR's trivia/puzzle show Ask Me Another, bestselling book being made into movie Screw Everyone), Adam Newman (David Letterman, Comedy Central Half Hour, MTV, host of Big Long Sets), Nick Vatterott (Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central's The Half Hour, MTV, Second City, 2012 Andy Kaufman Award), and Langston Kerman performing long stand-up sets at Jimmy's No. 43 back room (43 East 7th Street) hosted by Ben Asher & Brian Jian: Nasal Vice Stand-Up

9:30 pm ($10): Two PIT upstairs theatre improv groups making up a musical on the spot. Dagger includes Abby Holland (VH1's Best Night Ever, musical improv groups Aquarius and Veal), and Hello includes Lorraine Cink (especially lovely singing voice; host & writer of Marvel Comics' The Watcher): Dagger and Hello

9:30 pm ($10): Sketch comedy from duo James Coker & Marshall Stratton, plus guests, performing at The PIT downstairs lounge: Coker & Stratton

[TOP PICK] 10:00 pm ($10): Singing improvisors at The Magnet using an interview with an audience member to craft The Made-Up Musical

[FREE] 10:00 pm: Veteran improvisors reunite, new improvisors perform, and then old and new merge to create a one-nigh-only team at Queens LIC's The Creek upstairs theatre hosted by Nick Arret: Old, New, Borrowed, and Blue

[TOP PICK] 10:30 pm ($10): Superb improvisors Craig Rowin, Matt Fisher, Sue Galloway, Dan Klein, Brian Faas, Matt Moses, and/or Conner O'Malley—who this year defeated The Stepfathers and thoroughly crushed another troupe at Cage Match before losing by a single vote—make up scenes about an audience member's legal dispute at the UCB Chelsea theatre: The Law Firm: Law & Disorder

10:30 pm ($10): Dennie & Sharp (superb sketch comics; GUMP, hosts of Cool Shit/Weird Shit), Ben Weitmarschen, and Rojo Perez performing stand-up, sketch, storytelling, or improv at UCB East hosted by Brandon Scott Jones, D'Arcy Carden, Justin Tyler, Kelly Hudson, and/or Alden Ford: Gentrify

[TOP PICK] [$] 11:00 pm ($12): A unique musical improv show in which scenes explode into popular songs with with tunes you know but entirely made up lyrics. Instead of an improv pianist, this show uses a DJ spinning karaoke tracks at The PIT upstairs theatre: Happy Karaoke Fun Time!

11:00 pm ($10): "A member of the audience will give their recollection of a randomly chosen historical event. The Historical Context Players will then reenact the telling of the event in all of its mutilated glory" at The PIT downstairs lounge: Historical Context

11:30 pm ($5): An all-gal improv group creates visceral scenes on the spot at the Magnet theatre: The Stank

[TOP PICK] Midnight ($5): Jo Firestone (dynamic rising star; host of Punderdome 3000 and The Incredible Game Show Showcase), John Early (30 Rock, Ars Nova's Showgasm), Nate Dern (News Editor for Funny or Die), and Allie Kokesh & Natasha Vaynblat performing stand-up or sketch at UCB East hosted by superb sketch duo Matt Dennie & Josh Sharp (GUMP): Cool Shit / Weird Shit

Friday Open Mics & Jams

5:00 pm ($5): Two-hour open-mic for 20 stand-ups performing for 5 minutes each, with sign-up online here, at the Stand Up NY Comedy Club (236 West 78th Street): Stand Up NY Open Mic

5:45 pm (no cover, 1 drink min. for both comics and audience members): Open mic stand-up providing 5-7 minutes per comic, running 1 hour. Arrive 30 minutes before the show to get on the signup sheet. This is a fine opportunity to perform at the only comedy club in the East Village: Eastville Comedy Club Open Mic

[FREE] 6:00 pm: An open-mic show on a lottery system (sign-ups happen at 5:45-6:00 pm) at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens' Long Island City with host Eli Sairs: The Orphanage

[ALMOST FREE] 6:00 pm ($1): Attend to perform improv with experienced PIT performers at The PIT downstairs lounge, with a weekly rotating selection of formats and hosts: Happy Hour

[ALMOST FREE] 7:00 pm ($1): PIT musical improv veterans mix with musical improv novices on-stage at the upstairs theatre for Pitch

[FREE] 7:00 pm: Open-mic stand-up, with 3 minutes per comic (unless not many folks show up, in which case there'll be more time), with names drawn out of a bucket at UCB East in the bar area ("Hot Chicks Room") hosted by Sarah Tollemache and/or Paul Oddo: The Friday Night Hot Chicks Open Mic

[FREE] 8:00 pm: An open-mic show that's first come, first serve, with each comic getting 5 minutes on stage at The Creek downstairs lounge in Queens' Long Island City: Mic and Cheese

[TOP PICK] Midnight ($5): Improv is dominated by guys...and for no good reason. A way to help remedy this situation are shows like this one, which is an open improv jam for any gal wanting to participate, at any experience level. This monthly UCB Chelsea event is helmed by Shannon O'Neill (breathtakingly innovative, lighting-quick, and fearless improvisor/sketch comic and rising star; The Chris Gethard Show, The Stepfathers, ASSSSCAT 3000, Strangers Wanted, Ladies Night): The Lady Jam

Best Inexpensive Stand-Up, Improv, Sketch, and Storytelling

Upright Citizens Brigade Chelsea
(307 West 26th Street; 150-seater; shows free-$10; one of the most respected comedy theatres in the world)

Upright Citizens Brigade East
(153 East 3rd Street; 99-seat main theatre, bar area for open mics; shows free-$10)

The PIT
(123 East 24th Street; 99-seat upstairs theatre, 40-seat downstairs theatre; shows free-$15)

The Magnet
(254 West 29th Street; 60-seat theatre; shows $5-$10)

The Creek and the Cave
(Queens' Long Island City; 40-seat theatre upstairs, 25 downstairs; virtually all shows free)

Best NYC Stand-Up Comedy Clubs

Comedy Cellar
(117 MacDougal Street; among the finest daily stand-up lineups in the world; 2-item min.)

The Stand
(239 Third Avenue; recent competitor to Comedy Cellar; no drink min.—support this policy!)

Carolines Comedy Club
(1626 Broadway; focuses on the world's top headliners, who perform hour-long sets; 2-drink min.)

Gotham Comedy Club
(208 West 23rd Street; headliners on weekends, specialty & lineup shows weekdays; 2-drink min.)

Eastville Comedy Club
(85 East 4th Street; strong weekend lineups; no cover using code HyReviews; 2-drink min.)

Greenwich Village Comedy Club
(99 MacDougal Street; convenient if Comedy Cellar's sold out; no cover using code HyReviews; 2-drink min.)

Comic Strip Live
(1568 Second Avenue, off 81st; Upper East Side club with typically solid lineups; 2-drink min.)

Stand Up NY
(236 West 78th Street, off Broadway; Upper West Side club with typically solid lineups; 2-drink min.)

Laughing Devil
(4738 Vernon Blvd., by #7 train; Queens LIC club, with MST3K-style movie night on Thursdays; 2-drink min.)

 

 

To view HyReviews.com NYC Comedy Picks from previous weeks, please click here.

 

HyReviews.com's Videos of the Month:

Best FringeNYC 2014 Video Promos & Sneak Peeks

Gary Busey's One Man Hamlet (as performed by David Carl)Dancing Monk IppenI'll Say She IsThe Mormon Bird Play

Gary Busey's One Man Hamlet..., Dancing Monk Ippen, I'll Say She Is, and The Mormon Bird Play

To help you get a feel for what's available at the spectacular upcoming FringeNYC 2014
(running August 8-24, and hosting 205 productions) , please click the following links
for video sneak peeks of shows at this year's festival:

Gary Busey's One-Man Hamlet (As Performed by David Carl): Trailer

Gary Busey's One-Man Hamlet (As Performed by David Carl): Fundraiser

Twelfth Night: "Fettered Me"

Stone Cold Fox: Internet Animal Cruelty

The 8th Fold: "Under Fire"

The 8th Fold: "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

Dancing Monk Ippen

Breaking the Shakespeare Code

La Donna Improvvisata (entirely improvised opera)

Olympus Records (click first song "Bad Girls")

I'll Say She Is: Trailer

I'll Say She Is: Talkback

Smashed—The Carrie Nation Story

Fatty Fatty No Friends: Trailer #1

Fatty Fatty No Friends: Trailer #2

Tales From Geriassic Park—On the Verge of Extinction

The Boston Tea Party Opera: "Against Writs of Assistance"

The Boston Tea Party Opera: "My Own Cloth"

Smile

Some Are More Human

Stone Cold Fox: The Creepiest Birthday Song

Forgetting the Details

Xavier Toby—Mining My Own Business

Don't Panic— It's Only Finnegans Wake

20/400 Sketchy As F*ck: Homeless Mary

20/400 Sketchy As F*ck: American Family

Isis Variations: Interview with Yokko

The Mormon Bird Play

Seven Seductions of Taylor Swift

His Majesty, The Devil—A Play With Music (audio interview)

Stone Cold Fox: Mets Vet

Whiskey Jack: Promo

Whiskey Jack: Music

Nisei

Tejas Luminous

King of Kong: A Musical Parody

Joel Creasey (stand-up set at Melbourne Festival)

Coming—A Rock Musical of Biblical Proportions: "Ballad of Bethlehem"

Coming—A Rock Musical of Biblical Proportions: "In a Way That Fits"

Teddy's Doll House

Song from Deborah Berenson (of One-Woman Cabaret Show Sex, Lies & Earl Grey)

 

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HyReviews.com's Comedy Stuff of the Month:

Jim Gaffigan, Myq Kaplan, and Todd Barry

Jim Gaffigan: Obsessed  Myq Kaplan

For a good time, buy recent brilliant comedy albums Obsessed by Jim Gaffigan
and Small, Dork, and Handsome by Myq Kaplan...

Todd Barry

...and also buy Todd Barry's fascinating and consistently fun documentary The Crowd Work Tout

Jim Gaffigan's Obsessed: "Seafood"

Jim Gaffigan's Obsessed: "Kale"

Jim Gaffigan's Obsessed: "Ice Cream"

Myq Kaplan's Small, Dork, and Handsome: "Jews"

Todd Barry's The Crowd Work Tour: Explaining It to Conan

 

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Special Freebies & Discounts for HyReviews.com Insiders

Almost all the recommendations and discounts HyReviews.com provides appear directly
on this site. However, occasionally I may feel an offer is so special that it merits extra attention.
Also, sometimes comedy clubs, theatres, and others contact me with offers that they
don't want on a searchable Web page but that they're happy to provide to my readers.

If you'd like to take advantage of such opportunities, please provide your name and email address, and once in a while you'll receive a notice directly from me about cool deals.

(Your email address will never be sold, rented, or given away to anyone else.)

Please use the subscribe box below to become a comedy/theatre Insider.

 

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Special thanks to comedy photographer supreme Anya Garrett for creating so many of the stellar photos that grace this site...and the sites of hundreds of NYC comics.

 

 

HyReviews.com Highlights

Please check out these New York City theatre sections of HyReviews.com:

Hy On Theatre

Hy on Theatre Discounts: See Great Shows for as Little as $4

FringeNYC 2012 Coverage

FringeNYC 2011 Coverage

Notable NYC Actors

Please also check out these New York City comedy sections of HyReviews.com:

Comedy Club Discounts

Previous HyReviews.com Videos of the Month

Previous Daily Comedy Picks

Top NYC Comedy Venues

Other Notable Comedy Sites

For a comprehensive list of links to all the sections
on this site, please see the Site Index below (or click here).

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HyReviews.com Site Index

Best NYC Comedy Tonight

Previous Daily Comedy Picks

Comedy Videos of the Month: The Classics

Previous Comedy Videos of the Month

HyReviews.com Joke of the Week

NYC Comedy Club Discounts

Become a Comedy/Theatre Discount Insider

Top NYC Comedy Venues

Other Notable Comedy Sites

Comedy in the Moment: Del Close Improv Marathon

Comedy Scene by Scene: SketchFest NYC 07

Exceptional Comics

Interview with Carolyn Castiglia

Show Report 3/28/08: Kumail Nanjiani's Unpronounceable

Show Report 2/28/08: Invite Them Up Ends Glorious Six-Year Run

Show Report 2/10/08: Alternative, Alshmernative—Kristen Schaal

Show Report 11/12/07: Andy Blitz Sees the Future

Show Report 9/24/07: Dave Hill Turns Things Around

Shockingly Delightful: Offensive Fest 2007

Hy On Theatre

Hy on Theatre Discounts: See Great Shows for as Little as $4

FringeNYC 2012 Coverage

FringeNYC 2011 Coverage

FringeNYC 2010 Coverage

FringeNYC 2009 Coverage

FringeNYC 2008 Coverage

FringeNYC 2007 Coverage

FringeNYC 2007 Performers Gallery

FringeNYC 2006 Coverage

FringeNYC 2005 Coverage

Notable NYC Actors

Hy on TV

Hy on Human Giant

Favorite Craigslist Ads

Search This Site

Get Expert Help in Creating a Winning

Book Proposal or Feature Screenplay:

Hy's Book Proposal/Ghostwriting Service

Hy's Screenplay Analysis/Doctoring Service

 

 

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Comedy Club Discounts

If you'd enjoy an elegant evening at an NYC comedy club

but also want to save some money, please click here.

You can get free tickets for all shows at the Eastville Comedy Club,

free tickets to most shows at the Broadway Comedy Club, and

free & 50% discount ticket offers for Dangerfield's Comedy Club.

 

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Top NYC Comedy Venues

The following are the primary theatres hosting notable NYC comedy shows:

Upright Citizens Brigade Chelsea

Upright Citizens Brigade East

The Peoples Improv Theater

The Magnet

The Creek and the Cave (Queens LIC)

Littlefield (Brooklyn)

Union Hall (Brooklyn)

 

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Notable Comedy Sites

I'm trying to keep this section super-concise,

but If a top site isn't listed that you think oughta be,

please drop me a note and I'll take a close look.

 

Comedy Coverage

(in alphabetical order):

The Apiary

BestNewYorkComedy.com

Brooklyn Vegan

Comedy Central Insider

The Comic's Comic

Dead Frog

HyReviews.com

Jester

 

Comedy Providers

(in alphabetical order):

Atom.com

Comedy Central Video Clips

Funny or Die

Jokes.com

The Onion

Super Deluxe

23/6

UCB Comedy

YouTube Comedy Videos

 

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Hy's Current Favorite Craigslist Ads

 

Please note: Note a word has been changed in the ads below. My comments are in boldface.

 

Poet/Artist/God's Wife Looking for a Literary Agent or Publisher

Date: 2010-02-04, 10:19 am EST

Reply to: kristiedono@yahoo.com

 

I have a wonderful poetry book, creative, wild images and a really good magical story to tell.

 

[You have a poetry book—um, with images and a story?]

 

I am looking to sell my poetry book with images and then my story to someone.

 

[So you have a poetry book with images...and you also have a story in an undefined form. And for some reason you need to sell the poetry before you sell the story...to "someone." That's a bit confusing, but whatever; it's not like you're claiming to be a wordsmith...]

 

I am God's wife, and the story is about our life together.

 

[Ah.]

 

It's got spirituality, love, tragedy, adventure, crime, violence, music, sex, a little bit of everything.

 

[Actually, you left out drugs.
But that's okay; at this point, drugs are heavily implied...]

 

I have a diary of our letters to each other, and the poems are like letters I wrote to God in a creative way.

 

[As opposed to the non-creative steamy porn that you actually wrote to your stud boyfriend God.]

 

This will be a big hit, it is a beautiful story, you won't be disappointed.

 

[The odds are good. God's last book was a huge bestseller.]

 

God is a black man on Earth and a musician. I have proof.

 

[It's a hip-hopera DVD titled Trapped in the Closet.
Thing is, God turned insane in 2000. (Which explains a lot...)]

 

This is a great story. I am also a great writer and poet and artist.

 

[And 100% real. You can check out Kristie's Web site at http://www.harttherapy.blogspot.com.]

 

 

Need Urban Ghost Writers (Metro Atlanta)

Date: 2009-11-13, 6:33PM EST

Reply to: writelikeyoufeel@yahoo.com

 

Looking for creative ghost writers with excellent grammar skills and ideas.

 

[Because that's what makes a writer great: killer grammar, and concepts.]

 

Male and females are encouraged to apply.

 

[Translation: Sorry, I don't work with hermaphrodites.]

 

Serious inquiries only...Please do not respond if you are not serious!

 

[Translation: I'm sooo tired of people making fun of me...]

 

 

Writer Wanted for Book to be Published (Hartland, WI)

Date: 2009-09-29, 1:52AM CDT

Reply to: job-tvm4r-1397614923@craigslist.org

 

I am writing a book and need someone who can

help me with writing my story.

 

I am seeking someone who is spiritual in nature

and believes that by reading this

you are the person designed to write it.

 

Give me a call at 262-xxx-xxxx and introduce yourself.

 

[Hello. I have been designed to write your book.

Thank you for fulfilling my destiny.

The days, months, and years of constantly reading

Craigslist ads in search of purpose have finally

been rewarded. I am eager to start work on

our spiritual instant classic I Was Born

to Ghostwrite Someone Else's Book.]

 

 

Writers for Wheelchair Book (San Diego—Mission Valley)

Date: 2009-09-28, 10:41AM PDT

Reply to: bouncesdtalent@gmail.com

 

Easy Life Inc. is looking to write a book about purchasing a new wheelchair.

We are looking for 2-3 writers to provide 200 pages of content each.

 

[In other words, we want a 600-page book...about buying a wheelchair.]

 

We want fresh ideas that relate to buying a wheelchair.

 

[Idea #42: Raise cash as drug mule.
Cops will never suspect crippled old coot like you.]

 

Please send a sample or two of your writings, your rates,

and 2-3 BRIEF topics that you would contribute to this book.

 

Writings will be submitted weekly for originality

and to assure you are going in the right direction.

 

[If you're going in the wrong direction, we'll grab

hold of your wheelchair and point you the right way.]

 

We want you to exhaust any and all ideas

that go into purchasing a motorized wheelchair.

 

[At which point the Seventh Seal will be broken,

commencing the Apocalypse.]

 

Once you have exhausted that

go into manual wheelchairs,

then walkers, crutches, etc.

 

[And after you've exhausted all hope of support,

we want to you to crawl on your belly before us.

Crawl like the worm you are.]

 

Previous SEO experience a plus. Local to San Diego preferred.

 

In the subject line: WHEELCHAIR

 

[Or just: END OF THE WORLD.

Either way.]

 

Take a look at our Web site at http://www.powerchairatnocost.com.

 

Compensation: $750 to $1,500 DOE

 

[Again, this ad is 100% real. If you have

fresh ideas about buying a wheelchair...]

 

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Hy's Book and Screenplay Services

In addition to this Web site, I run two commercial editorial services:

 

 

If you have any other type of writing or editing need, I can probably tackle it as well. To get in touch, please email me at hy@hyreviews.com.

 

Google
 

 

Hy's Other Web Sites:

BookProposal.net

HyOnYourScript.com

 

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Copyright © 2014 Hy Bender

Email: hy@hyreviews.com